4/7 Diary Hey

The other day, I received a message on Fetlife, titled  'Hey', with the following: 

one thing i seek is a slave who is ready to do my bidding and be ready to explore all areas of bdsm. not really extreme but innovative and adventurous. are you that slave bitch?

<my reply> Yes, Mistress, I am

<Hers> Good slave, Firstly, send a mail to my box,  MissMean@yahoo.com
 Note: i am only looking for real time meet not online play or online games. tell me about your fetishes, how long you been on the site and your experience so far.be sure to identify yourself. make sure to include your nickname on here. BE AWARE If you desire my attention you must write more then one or two lines of brainless drive!! aslo send your pictures and tell me about yourself.
Mistress

I took a day for me to compose and send this: 

This is my direct response to your message, sent to me on Fetlife.

There, my nic is "submissiveLAmale".

The name on my i.d. is  xxxxxxx

I am a 56-year-old,  shy, introverted, submissive, asexual male, in no 'relationship' at all, currently living alone (not counting pets) in a two bedroom townhouse, in Toluca Lake, CA  (adjacent to Burbank, North Hollywood, and Universal Studios. 

I've been registered on Fetlife for at least seven years, but not very active until recently, and I'm sure I've changed my nic at least twice in that period.

My first and foremost fet-interest is, has been, impact play, a passion I felt, during a year in London, in 1974, and chancing on reading material pertinent to CP.

At first, I believed my interest was in being a Top to female bottoms... but as the years passed, I realized, my desire, my true desire, was to be a bottom. 

As I accepted that change, I felt that any Top would 'have' to be Female.

My midwest Bible Belt upbringing had me believing that such a M/m relationship would be ...disgusting.

I am SO over that.

It's been over a decade since I've had conventional sex with another person (in this case, female), and I do not miss it. 

I stated that I am asexual, in that I simply do not feel sexual attraction for any person, male or female.   Even during my last time, and last times before that, of engaging in sex, it was evident that ...I just wasn't all that interested.

So, now I know, that as a sub/bottom, I simply don't care if my Top/Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress is M or F.

I've keep these feeling and desires locked in some closet ... for years, decades, and only unlocked it recently. 

I put myself 'out there' on sites such as Fetlife, spanko.net, spankingtube,  and especially (I say expecially, because I've had the most success with) spankthishookups.

My first real experience was a thorough bottom-thrashing, at the hands of a male Top, on Dec 10. 

Video clips are posted on my personal blog, desiresofasubmissivemale.blogspot.com

I met with him again on Feb 4, for similar treatment.

On Jan. 7, I went to a party at Irongate Studios, and put myself in the hands of a Mistress, for OTK treatment, and a bit later, a flogging on a cross.

On Feb. 11, I met with another gentleman I had contacted through spankthishookups.  Without a prior face-to-face meeting,  I entered his unlocked apartment door,  closed the door, stripped naked in the foyer, and faced the wall, and waited for him to come up behind me, then take me to his den, where he required me to dress in stockings, garter belt, bra, and panties,  then went through a process of paddling my bottom, while bent over his spanking table,  then I stripped naked, as he continued paddling my bottom as I lay prone, on my stomach. He stopped, and took down his briefs, and pushed his cock into my mouth, and I sucked on it, until he spurted, deep down my throat.  That was my first experience with THAT, and I did not mind a bit; I was doing what was expected of me.

I made contact with yet another Top through spankthishookups, and we had a face-to-face meeting over coffee to talk about 'things',  with a determination to meet, a week later.

 A few days later, he emailed to me an order to lock myself in a chastity device,  and I could expect a release date 'sometime in March".

On March 2, he arrived at my house, having ordered me prior to this, to be naked when I opened the door to him, which I was.

 We went up to my spare bedroom, and he paddled my bottom, quite vigorously.

 Then we went to Moonburn, a monthly M/M-only spanking event at Threshold in North Hollywood, and after some visiting and watching others, he had me strip naked, in the big main room, bend over a spanking table, and applied a strapping to my bottom.

We stayed in contact via email, and met again, at my place, on Mar. 10, and naked, I opened the door to him,  and we went to the room, and he used paddle and bath brush on my bottom, while I was over his lap, and he had me spread my cheeks so that he could apply a thin paddle in between them.   There were two separate sessions of the same sort of thing, with a small break in between, as we lay together, both naked on a bed, next to each other, while he stroked his cock with his left hand.  THIS seems to be his preference, rather than having me do anything, or doing anything to me with it.  I suspect it's because he is in a committed vanilla relationship.

My last contact of any kind with him ... as I write this, at 8 p.m. on April 30... was April 15th, much to my annoyance.  Yet, I will not initiate contact with him or anybody, unless I am specifically instructed to do so.

On Mar. 19, there was an "Open Instructional Forum" class at the Bordello of Decadence, intended for anybody to come along and practice ... or learn more about...  just about any kindy thing they desire.   I attended, even while lacking a partner with whom to practice...and just watched,for a couple of hours.

Towards the end, a young Domme came up to me, sat down, and asked, "So, what are you into?"  After I stammered something like, "Impact play, Miss"  (she had already corrected me, telling me, Miss, not Mistress or Ma'am), she said, "I could use some practice, flogging..."  and in short order,  I was stripped to thong and socks (very cold floor there) and on hands and elbows, straddling a spanked bench, and ... she practiced flogging on my back and buttocks, followed by a number of other implements.  I went home, reasonably party.

I already had plans to attend the open anything-goes party, at the same facility, on March 24.  A couple days prior, a Master contacted me through Fetlife, after seeing a post I wrote about the class at the BoD, and then reviewing my profile, suggesting a hook-up.

We met, at the party.   We went into the basement,  and I stripped to a bodysuit, as you will see in pictures, and he pulled the thong piece away, so that my 'junk' was exposed, and I knelt on elbows and knees on ..what I think was the same spanking bench as the one a few days prior, and he put cuffs on my wrists, and clipped them to the front of my bench, and he 'went to town' on my buttocks, back, and thighs, using all manner of I'm-not-sure-what implements, as I was in no position to see the,  although one such toy broke on my butt.  It looked similar to a riding crop, with the end-piece being a three-piece square of leather.  It broke, at the tip.

After some time, he simply ... let me up, and we went our separate ways, mingling at the party.

In an email exchange the next day, he told me "the play was not fun, but not erotic for me, and not worth repeating in private,  but maybe at another party, sometime..."

How disappointing.

My fet-interests,  alphabetically:

Anal:  anything, that relates to mine.  I have yet to feel a strap-on that was operated by another person, or anything of live flesh there, but ... it's high on the priority list. I DO plugs, vibrators, enemas.  I want to undergo an embarrassing prostate exam...  a prostate milking..  etc.

Bondage:  I went to one class at the Bordello, featuring rope bondage.  This struck me as kind of slow and boring.  I do like wrist and ankle cuffs, and being restrained to ...whatever is handy.

I currently have a pole suspended from my ceiling, directly over my bed, and I've been practicing the act of putting my ankles in cuffs, and laying on the bed on my back, with my legs up in the air. 

   I am fascinated with the idea of having my junk locked in a humbler, and being disciplined that way, or trying to move about the house.

  I am more fascinated with what seems to be called a 'cock and ball pillory' (picture attached). I continue to think "I've got to get me one of these!"  I like to imagine being locked in it, for a length of time, not to be disclosed to me, at the will of a Top.

Chastity... my own.  I began an adventure with self-imposed enforced chastity, last Oct 1, and have played with it, ever since.  Wearing a chastity device, whether under another's control or not (and it's been mostly 'not' for me) helps me feel controlled.  In the same category would fall Orgasm Denial, along with Tease and Denial,  all of which I have a keen interest in, to be practiced on me.

I am not 'thrilled' about C&B T, or least when included in impact play, as I found myself getting nauseous.  Other options there should be explored.

Crossdressing and Sissification:  I have been playing with, and in, women's underwear, for  decades.    I think the fetish evolved with the spanking fetish, as I started wearing such things, in conjunction with spanking fantasies.

I have no desire to fully dress up and try to 'pass'; but I wear the lingerie  (stockings, panties, even bras) quite... quite.. often, under clothes to work,  or nothing else but, while home alone.

Humiliation and Embarrassment:  I really enjoy this, as I continually strive to think of something that would humiliate or embarrass ME,  and not so much what others might find to be such.

It's a bit of a challenge, really, as I'm quite comfortable in my skin,  so if the attempt to embarrass me involves me, naked, I don't have an issue.  (Unless it's a situation that could get me arrested...that's a hard line I won't cross). 

Impact Play:  I only mention it this late on the list because 'I" comes after "H" which comes after..  well, I'm sure You are familiar with the alphabet.

On the important-to-me list, this would be number one....  all aspects of corporal punishment, as applied to my bottom  (and back, and thighs...) in whatever position, with whatever instrument.

I do have preferred positions, and scenes, and states of dress,  but I want more experience before I would designate favorite instruments.

Submission..  This is what it comes down to,  me being prepared, ready, and able, to submit to 'any' demand, to obey 'any' order, without question,  even without a word, other than "As you wish, Mistress".

And THAT, Mistress  is the shortest version of my story that I could put into writing, that tells You more about me than ...just my name.

Sincerely,