6/17 Daily Whine about June 11th

..was a very interesting day for me.
It started with meeting ContraryMerry (CM) for lunch and preliminary contract discussions, then following her or tagging along as she ran some errands, while continuing to discuss 'things', then going to the South Bay Munch, in Torrance.
Munches: casual gatherings of people for chatting, joking, conversation, and such.
And, not ranked highly on my favorite-things-to-do list.
So, I was seated at a long table, with CM on my right, and Mr_Stitch (MS) on my left, and I was introduced to at least a dozen people, of whom, right now, I don't remember a single name.
I hope nobody I met takes offense to that; it's just that, in unfamiliar surroundings, in the midst of unfamiliar people, I'm not listening to names when I'm introduced, I'm trying to figure out how quickly I can excuse myself and get away from there.
And it's really first-time jitters. If I went back a second time, I would be okay ... well, at least better ... since most of the unfamiliar people would be kinda familiar.
My usual nervousness (as in, panic) was exacerbated by knowing that here would be my first meeting with BDLsSweetCandee (SC) and BigDaddyLou (BDL).
I had been exchanging emails with SC for a few days prior to this Munch, and I was quite apprehensive about this meeting.
Why was I so apprehensive?
I've been diagnosed, by someone with a piece of paper covered in flowery writing hanging on his wall, and who charges way too much for someone to come into his office and look at it, with performance anxiety; essentially, a total lack of self-confidence, which makes me anxious about "am I good enough, smart enough, will they like me, what will I trip on, will I say something stupid (again)".
So, they (SC and BDL) arrived, and we were introduced, and they took seats around the table, and whatever happens at munches, continued to happen.
While I sat quietly in my chair, staring intently into my cup of coffee, with CM occasionally whispering ... this or that .. in my ear.
I felt the onset of a panic attack, and excused myself, and walked, rather quickly, outside.
While sitting outside, and kinda wishing I'd brought my shoulder bag, so I could keep on moving, go to my car, and just leave, MS came along, and tapped me on the shoulder. "You okay?"
"Oh! Oh, yeah ... just great. "
"CM asked me to come out and check on you, so... you're okay?"
"I'll survive, I think."
He nodded, and went back in.
After another minute, I headed back in, and met CM, who was coming out to check on me, herself.
"You okay?" she asked.
"I guess so."
We returned to the table, in time to start ordering our dinners.
That, followed by the arrival of more munchers, followed by the arrival of our meals, got me out of my head, for a bit.
After I finished eating, which I tend to do, quite quickly, all that remained for me to do was stare at my empty plate.
And I felt it happening again: elevated pulse, tightness in my chest, shallow breathing.
So, I excused myself, and went outside.
While outside, I heard the alert on my phone of an incoming text or e-mail.
I took a look; it was a text from SC (who was seated at the table to the immediate left of the person across from me), asking "Would you like to come over this evening?"
God bless her.
If she had asked me this at the table, I might have gone into shock.
I replied, "Your call, if I can survive this."
SC: "Awww, that bad?"
Me: "Yeah, and battery at 5%"
SC: "Well, I invited you, so its YOUR call. YES or NO?"
Me: "Y"
Me: "E"
ME: "S".
Then Me: "Sure it's okay?"
I received no response to that one, but I guessed that it was (okay).
I went back inside.
Dinner plates were taken away: dessert was being served to those who ordered it.
Checks were brought by the server, and dealt with.
People started to get up and say their so-long-and-thanks-for-all-the-fishes,
and SC came up to me, and said, "So, you're going to follow us?"
I nodded, and said goodbye to CM and MS, and a number of names-forgotten others, and went outside with SC and BDL.
BDL gave me some quick and dirty directions in case I got lost following their truck, and off we went.
I might as well have left my car in the restaurant parking lot; it would have been closer to their place than where I did find parking, but I don't mind walking most of the time (like, when my ankle isn't all tweaked, which happened three days prior to this).
So, I walked-limped back to their place, and BDL met me outside their building, to help me NOT get lost inside their complex.
Once inside ...
Well, that's a story for another time, but there are a few pictures on my profile that illustrate it.
I give a HUGE heartfelt thanks to ContraryMerry, and later, Mr_Stitch, for tolerating my company throughout the day, and bearing with my insanity during the munch,
and equally HUGE thanks to BDLsSweetCandee and BigDaddyLou for their delightful hospitality after the munch!