Diary June 23

As of the wee hours of June 23, it is official.

We signed, and now I am bound, by a very restrictive contract, as a slave, to a Mistress.

She is an adorable woman, and I love Her dearly.

We met at a dungeon party, and continued to see each other, and exchanged greetings, at later parties.

I posted a story on another site, expressing my disappointment and anger, caused by play partners I had been with, who let me down.  I was having problems with continuity in my life: I had nobody I could count on.
She read it and messaged me, offering to be a steady play partner, if I so desired.
I did so desire.
We got together at another dungeon party, and had a very good time.  She said She did; I know I did.
We exchanged frequent messages and texts, and ... She offered me a contract, a fairly unrestrictive D/s contract, in the wee hours, two weeks later, we signed it.
As a few days passed, I realized my issue with the contract was... the very simple escape clause, that either party could cancel it at anytime, just by saying so.
THAT left me, still, with an insecure feeling,  thinking that, at any time, She could call me up and say, "I don't think this is working out, I wish you the best of luck in the future...."
I spent one afternoon with Her, in a very vanilla setting, which left me quite happy,  which always seems to result in a downslide,  and in this case a near meltdown,  as I couldn't stop worrying, "What's going to go wrong?"
This resulted in what I would call our only disagreement or somesuch, thus far.
In the course of our exchanging texts, She sent one to me that said "You are being unreasonable, and trying to fuck up on purpose."
My feelings were hurt, and my feelings DON'T get hurt, unless whatever it is, comes from someone I care about.
When my feelings get hurt, I go incommunicado.  I don't answer the phone, answer texts, or emails.  I'm all about 'leave me the eff alone."
And I can be that way for days, weeks...  just depends on how long I choose to hold on to it.
I woke up to find several voicemails from Her, and a wall message, offering to delete 'that' line, the one saying that either party can cancel at anytime.
After morning meditation, which brought me to the realization that I WAS fucking up... just not 'on purpose', I called her.
We talked it out.
She explained that, if She deleted that line, the contract becomes permanent (except for certain clauses pertaining to breach of contract) and it would progress from Dominant/submissive to Mistress/slave, and would require a number of other additions to the document.
I told Her, I would be quite interested in reading such a document.
Within a couple days, She forwarded me the revised contract, and I asked a few questions for clarification, then minor changes were made, and soon had a contract that I approved of.
We signed it, as noted above, in the wee hours of June 23.

There is no option for me quitting, just because I want to. There is no option for Her quitting, just because She's tired of me ...or wants to.
The only way out is by breach of contract, by violation of certain paragraphs within the contract, by the other party.

The essence of the contract is that I am to obey Her in all respects,  My mind, body, heart, and time belong to Her.
I exist for Her pleasure,
She is my Protector.

We do not live together, nor is this a long-distance relationship.
We're far enough apart that daily meetings are unmanageable, but close enough that twice a week will be expected, and three times a week, possible.

For the first time in years....decades.... I don't feel like I'm wandering from thing or person to the next,  aimlessly looking for...  I don't know what exactly.
Now...   thanks to Mistress,  I feel  WANTED. I feel CARED FOR.  I feel LOVED.
Dare I say it?
Yes, I dare.
                           I feel HAPPY

Thank You so much, Mistress.