May 8 Diary, on Burning Bridges

I seem to be burning bridges a lot lately, between myself and playmates.

There was my very first one, HTCM, from Dec 10, with another date on Feb 4.  Since then,  I was in contact with him for a potential meet on  April 29, but he was totally inflexible on my state of dress, or undress.  I wanted to try something different, but he wanted his way and only his way.... and I said, via email, "Good luck..."

There was "D", my Top of choice during March... and I don't know what happened. We met on Mar 2 and March 10, and were last in contact on Mar 15, then nothing, nothing at all.

I've seen him at two Moonburn events since then, and he nodded at me, but that has been it.  I haven't a clue if he's waiting for me to make contact...in which he'll be waiting for a very long time, or if he's had his fun with me, and simply decided to move in. 

At any rate, my anger over the non-communication is sufficient that if he should attempt to contact me, it will be very much in vain.

Most recently, there was "BSM", with whom I had some very painfully good times in April.  I've been to one small private party with him, and I've been to his house twice.

The last time I was at his house, I drove two hours to get there...and after five hours there, he said, "Something has come up, we're going to have to leave the house to go downtown, so you'll have to be going" and so I had to drive the two hours back home.  This was somewhat annoying; if I had such a houseguest, I would have offered to let him stay and take a nap or something, before requesting he go.

Well, whatever, I let that go...  in the meantime, we had plans, really big plans (in my mind) for Moonburn, 12 days later, and we exchanged messages daily in regard to it, right up to the night before.

And on the morning of, he sends a message through STH... not to my direct email, or a text or call to my phone, all of which would have been much more personal...but through STH, saying "Something has come up and I won't be able to make it."

I was SO disappointed... and later,  disappointed AND angry.

And still angry.

Since then, and  specifically the day after, he sent a message, early in the day, to me through STH, and another, much later in the evening.
  I deleted both of them without reading them, and plan to continue to do so if any further messages come from him.

And very recently, as in Monday night, I've been in contact with both "BR" and "ST".

"BR" initiated contact, expressing an interest in forced enemas and spanking, as a bottom, and asked if I wanted to join in, and he knew a potential Top for us both. 

He couldn't get his potential to commit to a date, but I said, I knew a guy who may well be willing to top us both.

"ST" did express a willingness. 

So I messaged "BR":  I think I can get this guy, but what about you and me, switching with each other?

And I messaged "ST" : Can you commit to a day next week, Monday or Tuesday?

"BR" did not respond/has not responded,  and neither has "ST".

This, to me, is rude. 

I mean, seriously, at least reply with something like, "I'm thinking about it" or "I'll let you know..."

But... 48 hours later now, and no word of any kind from either one of them.

So, if and when one or the other ever does reply, I'll tell him to contact the other one directly, and leave me out of it...which will make it interesting for them, as I don't believe either of them can host. Ha.

I'm sure there will be other bridges to burn.

This is a very strange lifestyle, full of guys who seem to be unreliable for this type of connection, and will make a date for a week from now, and cancel it the day before, or even the day of, if they think they have a better opportunity.

That has happened to me, I don't know how many times.

And from any one potential playmate, it will only happen to me once.